Journal 6: How I Nearly Knocked Myself Out on My Anniversary

This was written the very beginning of this July

Yesterday was a mess. At least enough of it was to where I put off writing and posting about it until today. The morning started innocently enough. It was my first anniversary with @cabracuerno and we were excited to celebrate with my dog off in the hills. The plan was to take the car.

When it came time to go, putting it simply I had cramps and took something for the pain to keep it from impacting our adventure too much. Despite taking the pill with water it evidently got stuck in my esophagus because I could feel it there, burning and fizzing. It was awful, so much so I almost got sick over it.

But I tried to ignore it knowing the sensation would pass. We took the car so we could bring my dog. As I went to get into the car, both the pain I took the pill for and the pill itself caused so much discomfort I huddled over a bit. When I did that, for some stupid reason I swung open the door at full fucking speed, cracking myself right in the eyebrow with the corner of the door.

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**Photo Caption: Renegade and I out enjoying the sunshine.

Instantly my frustration over the last week poured out in the form of tears. I just stood there pissed and crying for a second while my poor loving boyfriend sat in the driver seat confused at what the hell he just witnessed.

What really happened is I got completely overwhelmed by the physical sensation of pain combined with the burning and sick feeling from the pill. When that happens I more or less dissociate and stop paying attention to important things like, where the hell is my head in relation to the car door?

I’ve been known to hurt myself stupidly like this when stressed for most of my life. I even broke my jaw of my own stupidity, somewhat stressed by what was a budding toxic relationship. Hell, slight drama last December ended in me walking off the edge of a concrete above ground pool when carrying really way too much laundry. If there hadn’t been a pile of bamboo leaves, I surely would have broken something.
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*Photo Caption: Now every time I get in my hammock my cat friend comes to visit

I was so embarrassed I at first refused to even go get cleaned up until I realized I was bleeding. My boyfriend brought ice and someone to help disinfect much to my dismay. I just wanted to clean it myself and pretend like it never happened. I took a photo but it makes the injury look a lot worse than it actually was.

Eventually I felt better enough to go and we had our day despite the fact that I had just nearly knocked myself out with the car door. We shot arrows, took photos and Renegade terrified some cows trying to be friendly. And eventually we went home.

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*Photo Caption: Look how beautiful he got!

I probably went to bed at like 8pm because of a headache. And the bruise I sport this morning tells me it was somewhat of a big deal. You can see the line of the edge of the door in my bruise. But I’d say my ego is hurt more than anything as I’ve now had to explain repeatedly what I’ve done to hurt myself so badly.

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