20 years of skin hell with Cystic Acne:
They say the skin is the window to the health of the body and if that’s true, I’ve been all fucked up since puberty hit. I’ve had chronic cystic acne since I was 10. I remember the first pimple I noticed. I wondered what it was and my aunt told me it was ready to pop. So I did so, and that started a lifelong bad habit of skin picking.
I have tried everything for acne. I was on birth control before I even had a boyfriend. I tried Proactiv, every drug store acne treatment I could get my hands on. I tried prescription stuff although in the days I did that Accutane wasn’t allowed for girls because it can cause severe reproductive issues or that’s what my doctor told me when I begged him to put me on it. Nothing worked.
I went carnivore for almost 2 years, never did it go away completely. I tried quitting birth control. The copper IUD. Going back on carnivore. Finding a more balanced diet. Fasting. Nothing worked. At one point I realized while getting tattoos that if I got enough I could just cover my skin. I found myself a little less inclined to pick at the areas freshly tattooed. So I kind of went a little nuts with those for a short time. Now I look at some of them like okay…why?
Cysts, Cysts and more Cysts:
Last year, I quit birth control again and as my skin started to go totally haywire I determined to find a solution. Thanks to the advice of a friend I did manage to find a three step skincare system that helped. A little. So I started that again. I had horrible cysts covering my chin, neck, chest, back, shoulders and even arms. It hurt to exist.
Anyone who has had cystic acne knows that it literally hurts to live. Smiling hurts. Laying in bed hurts. Just sitting there physically hurts. And it’s itchy because the urge to resist skin picking is too much and the process of healing skin wounds of course causes itching. I remember looking at my skin in the mirror and just being sad. I remember having to really work on my self care when I felt disgusted with myself.
At a certain point I started to realize this: my skin is just a physical manifestation of my inner suffering. While also going through withdrawl from my hormonal birth control I was also dealing with a lot of emotional stuff. Stagnancy in my legal situation. Missing loved ones, intensely. The list is long and I won’t get into it too deeply here but once I saw that it was obvious that I was not going to fix it by being mad at myself.
So I started balancing my hormones, as talked about in the last post.
But skincare played a huge role in it. The skincare helped me heal the damage I was doing while helping to prevent more. I will include the list of things I’ve tried in the next post, as well as what a current skincare system looks like for me in a post after that. I have tried dozens of products at this point, some of them I love and some of them I am not so impressed by.
Where am I now? 98 percent clear. I still have a little hormonal acne I’m working with I attribute to stress and a lot of scars. It is what it is. But I’m happier with my skin than I ever have been in my adult life. I see an acne free future in the next year for sure. And most of my breakouts are just before my monthly cycle starts. My back and chest are basically clear.
The thing with skincare is yes, its about the products but I’ve also learned some important things as far as technique is concerned, which will be shared in the next post. But above all its also about self care. For many years I had no self care routine to speak of. I worked and worked because I didnt feel I deserve it. Now I have a luxurious routine I do every night without fail. I don’t care if its 4 in the morning and Im drunk after a night out with friends, I so far in over a year have not failed to keep up this routine.
Because it feels good. Getting my skin clean, applying soothing ingredients, assessing where I am at. That feeling of a face well loved before I get into bed to sleep.
So the technique:
First and foremost, double cleansing. Using an oil based cleanser first, followed by a water based cleanser. I use a water based cleanser with actives like benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid in it a few times a week.
Night routine:
Oil cleanser first, removes makeup, sunscreen, dirt, grime ect. Always apply to dry skin, all over face and neck. Just rub with the tips of your fingers for at least one minute. Some cleansers are really good at getting sebaceous filaments out of the skin if you keep up the rubbing. I’ll share later my favorite cleanser for that. Then wet your hands and wet your face and rub in a bit. The oil cleanser will go milky and be easy to wash off. They call this emulsifying and its essential.
Water cleanser next, immediately after. If it has active ingredients, apply like a mask and wear for 3-5 minutes before rinsing. If it’s just a gentle foaming cleanser without actives, rinse immediately.
Drying: Important, I never EVER use a bath towel to dry my face. Under any circumstances. As soon as I do even if the towel is fresh out of the dryer it causes breakouts. Paper towels only. Apparently amazon sells face drying towels that are disposable, I just use regular paper towels. You know you did a good job if the towel is still white after drying. If not, you didn’t wash well enough.
Next, apply products. Starting with thinnest products to thickest. This part can be as simple or complex as you want so long as you do the research to make sure the products are compatible. I’ll share a link for a chart I find useful for that soon.
A toner, if you’re using one, first. Allow to dry completely for a few minutes. Its important to let all products dry completely before applying more.
Active spot treatments. Anything meant to only be put on certain problem areas like under eyes, active pimples or hyper pigmentation spots I’ve learned is more effective put on before the serum. Just dot on as needed and allow to dry.
Serums, starting from thinnest to thickest. I’ve learned that doing different serums on different days is way more effective than using all of them on the same day even if they’re “compatible.” At most I will apply two serums at the same session. Again allow to dry completely before adding more.
Moisturizer, apply all over face and neck. Allow to dry, wait at least 30 minutes before getting into bed.
Morning routine:
I never wash in the morning, no need as I was only in bed. Instead I rinse with water and dry.
Then I apply one serum, depending on where I’m at in my cycle. Allow to dry.
Then moisturizer, allow to dry.
And only if I’m going to be spending a decent amount of time in the sun, a facial friendly ideally chemical free sunscreen. I found my red marks from scarring take twice the time to go away if I just go without and I burn easily because white lady in Mexico, but I really only apply to my face and neck unless I’m in Acapulco or spending hours out in direct sun which happens very rarely these days.
The products I’ll go over next. I am still considering how to organize those, whether to just split it into things I’ve tried and things I love or to just share everything I’ve tried in the order I tried it and what I thought, followed by my current regular routine. What do you think?
The photo for this post was taken today just before a video call with my favorite person. I still have scarring, some breakouts and a little inflammation but the majority of my skin is healed. I have some really not flattering photos of my skin at its worst from last year.
For the last post in this series: Follow this link.
