Closure Comes in Waves: My Thoughts on the Recent News

Photo Caption: Taken on a Recent Hike in a Burned Forest Area.  Reminded me of myself, new bits of growth from a burnt and scarred stump.

 

Closure has not come easy since the murder of John Galton. This is mainly due to the fact that the situation was still honestly still so wide open in so many regards for so long. Legally speaking, everything was in limbo for months with negotiations over things like the return of the house to it’s owner. Otherwise, the situation did not close because the threat was still out there.

I consider the cartel only a very small threat to my life at this point. For one, they had their chance first when the murder occurred and then probably repeatedly after in the city cause I couldn’t go out without someone asking me about what happened. Secondly, I’m not interested in pursuing them legally. That’s right, I’m not even interested in seeing the shooter “in jail” because it doesn’t bring me comfort and it sure as fuck doesn’t give him a chance to get out of that lifestyle.

But the person I considered responsible is now dead by suicide, evidently on the 5 month anniversary from the murder. Perhaps he woke up and really understood the destruction he caused in his downward spiral. Not sure. I respect his decision and while he has left some sad people behind perhaps they can rest assured knowing a LOT of people feel safer in this world because of what he decided to do. If anything, it shows there was a shred of human left in there.

For me, the details of what happened as far as the murder is concerned are not up for debate and considering I’m the only one who lived through every bit of it that’s still living, I know the reality. Knowing that the one responsible is gone, I honestly sleep a lot better, mostly since no longer able to hurt me or anyone else in his self made war. It brought me great anxiety knowing he was out there somewhere with his history of violence and sexual assault.

One can’t really move on with life without closure. We can pretend but at the end of the day if the situation is still open in some manner we just won’t feel done with it. I’ve been told closure comes in waves and that’s true, in some ways this recent wave feels like a tsunami. I still think a lot about the events of the murder but it’s more just immense sadness over the loss, of both a life and of everything we had built for the last three years. I think of my dogs often, the adventures on the motorcycle and in the back of the truck and how quickly things can change.

But I feel a lot better. This isn’t just related to the news of Paul’s death but also to some recent legal changes, in which I am in most ways officially legally done with the murder. Now my legal focus is on becoming a citizen, something much more….motivating to work towards. Before, I felt like I sat in limbo for months and months. Now, I feel like I can move on and be more productive. My focus is sharing my story both with Stateless documentary and through my writing on this blog and eventually a book (or more than one….it’s a LONG story). Beyond that, it’s all about the hustle to support myself on this agorist lifestyle I still live.

 

I talk about this a little on the podcast I just did with Nick Irwin from the Enemy of the State's Dank Pod Stash.  It was a great conversation with many topics, this just being one of them!  Check out the podcast, below!